I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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