I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
