Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
