Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
