I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
