Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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