whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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