Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
