i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
