I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
