u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
