I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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