It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
