Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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