I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
