i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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