I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
