I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
