That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
