Sry I called you an 8
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
