It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
