Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
