I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
