Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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