the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
