Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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