i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
