i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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