you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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