Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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