Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
