I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
