So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
