I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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