You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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