marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They took my balls.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
