Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
