You really coming over, don't trick.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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