I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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