Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
