I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
