the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
