is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
