Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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