my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
