I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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