We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
