ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
