Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
