what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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