Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
