She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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