the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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