I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
