Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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