I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there was a trapeze. enough said
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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