he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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