Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
