Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
