what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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