so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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