i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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