You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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