make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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