where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
