I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My pussy is not your playground.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
