You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
