i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
