I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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