my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
