RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
