I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
