I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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