we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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