I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
