I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
