why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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