Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
