He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
