that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
