I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize