holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
