I just cut my nipple shaving
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize