I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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