C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
