i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
