Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
