Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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