I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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