If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize