whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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